Jan 16, 2019
In this YHC Coaching Gym, Cate Stillman sits down with Carly Banks to talk about coaching family members and loved ones.
Carly has led three very close friends through her 10-week program, The Habit. She has found that resistance that she could easily coach a stranger through results in defensiveness from her loved ones. Carly acknowledges that part of the problem might lie with her reaction to the defensiveness of her loved ones: she retreats rather than rallying as she would with other course members.
Cate reminds us of the adage: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears” and suggests that perhaps Carly’s loved ones are students who just aren’t ready. Cate’s advice, based on her own experience, is to run your course for the people who want to be there, and occasionally you’ll be pleasantly surprised when old friends and loved ones show up ready and fully engaged. Cate explains that she would actually make enrollment harder for friends and family, taking into account emotional triggers and the possibility of them messing up the group dynamic.
Focus your energy on getting the right people invested and let friends and family fall where they may.
What you’ll get out of tuning in:
- How to stop wasting energy on the people who aren’t showing up.
- How friends and family can skew the dynamics of a coaching group.
- How to determine the best structure for your coaching calls or meetings.
Links Mentioned in Episode:
Show Highlights:
- 0:00 - Carly has led three very close friends through her 10-week program, The Habit. She has found that resistance that she could easily coach a stranger through results in defensiveness from her loved ones. Cate reminds us of the adage: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears” and suggests that perhaps Carly’s loved ones are students who just aren’t ready.
- 5:00 - Carly acknowledges that part of the problem might lie with her reaction to the defensiveness of her loved ones: she retreats rather than rallying as she would with other course members.
- 5:45 - Cate asks Carly to take a look at who she invites into her course. It should only be people who want the outcomes of the habits: ease, depth, focus, and more control over their bodies and their moods. Cate’s advice, based on her own experience, is to run your course for the people who want to be there, and occasionally you’ll be pleasantly surprised when old friends and loved ones show up ready and fully engaged.
- 10:58 - Cate explains that she would actually make enrollment harder for friends and family, taking into account emotional triggers and the possibility of them messing up the group dynamic. They also could divert your attention away from your fully invested course members.
- 14:00 - Resistance can lead to disconnection. When resistance arises in a course member, remind her of her “Big 3” desires and then look at which habits are most “out of whack.”
- 17:00 - Cate suggests revisiting the YHC lesson on how to structure a coaching call. Asking specific questions to the group can help direct the focus of the call to where it might be most beneficial to most of the members. With a small group, knowing the individual struggles of each member can be very beneficial in directing the focus of a meeting or a quarter.
Favorite Quotes:
- “Wow. I have wasted a lot of energy worrying about the people who aren’t showing up.” --- Carly Banks
- “I’m really excited for you to focus on the people that are invested. And to focus your energy on getting the right people invested and letting friends and family fall where they may. . . . ‘Cause the group is sacred.” --- Cate Stillman
Guest BIO
As a working mom of two, Carly Banks knows how easy it can be to put yourself last. For years she showered herself in “shoulds,” feeling guilty for not taking care of herself, and wishing she had more time.
Sometimes, there just isn’t more time. But there is always a different perspective.
Instead of focusing on how far away she was from big goals and big habit changes, Carly switched her focus to the little goals, and little habits she could create with ease. With this change in perspective, step by step, Carly has changed her entire life. Connect with Carly on her website, Facebook and Instagram.